Mr Mom
by Snipermander
Summary: Poor Cell... he's in way over his head this time! Think trying to raise two or three kids is tough? Try raising SEVEN kids in HELL! Luckily, Frieza and Dr. Gero are there to give this new dad some humorous help! ON LAYAWAY AT THIS TIME.
1. Prologue

Mr. Mom

Inside the darkened room of a public housing unit within Hell's territory, Cell lay out upon his bed, his long legs almost reaching over the edge; he was as still as a metal statue, save the steady rise and fall of his very broad, armored chest. The Android could feel his eyelids growing heavier with each passing minutes of the night, but for some reason he just couldn't sleep…

It had been an absolutely exhausting week for Dr. Gero's greatest creation, for it was just one week ago that Cell had been brutally reminded of just one of his actions on Earth:

--

Exactly one week ago, (after)life in the bowels of Hell weren't getting any better for the established "Hell Fighters": after their first attempt at reaching power in The New Territory, Frieza, Cell, The Ginyu Force and many other followers had been overthrown and severely oppressed by the overruling deity, King Enma. He and his "Thousand Army" of oni and other dangerous demons seemed to make a sport out of demoralizing the damned.

Their favorite targets happened to be Frieza and Cell…

Cell remembered himself leaning casually under a tree with his best friend, Frieza, the two just spending what little freedom they had in Hell discussing ways to break free from the dictatorship of King Enma. And with Goku and Pikkon as his new "cronies", things were not looking good for the two Hell Fighter Leaders… Their attitudes were further worsened when one large red oni approached the two in their private spot under a fruit tree.

"What do _you_ want, ass face?" Cell scoffed, giving the large monster a side look.

"_How dare you, you little bug?!"_ the oni lashed out, showing off his huge fangs, "Why, if King Enma didn't forbid it, I'd smash you, so watch your mouth!"

"Pftt! Whatever…" Cell looked away. Frieza looked to the oni and growled,

"Well, what are you here for?"

"I am here on Domestic matters, regarding an 'Android 21'…" Answered the oni while he pulled out a long scroll and looked it over.

"Cell."

"What?" the oni looked over at Cell.

"_Cell_: my name is Cell." Cell spoke rather aggressively as he eyed the oni.

"Whatever your name is," the oni waved his huge hand in the air carelessly, "The Great King Enma wishes to speak with you on matters of Domestic Law. I would suggest you come quietly so that I will not have to bring forth my brothers upon you… ha!"

The red monster teased Cell as he began to walk off towards the great fortress that was King Enma's palace. As Cell crossed his arms stubbornly and began to follow, Frieza caught his arm; Cell turned to look down at the small alien with a frown. Frieza whispered, "Don't let those worms get to you, my friend; instead, listen closely and see if they reveal any possible 'Exits', if you know what I mean…"

Frieza winked in such a cute fashion that Cell couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"Sure, no problem, Friez'." He flashed a quick peace-sign and was off, passing through the dreadful desert habitat that was mostly Hell.

--

Just then, Cell was brought back to reality when he heard the creaking of tiny footsteps in the hallway within the boarding house. Cell sat up just as the door to his room opened… and a little creature peered in. For a moment, their eyes met: Cell's bright magenta eyes locked with the lighter pink colored eyes of one of his sons.

"Five?" Cell spoke softly, just as the little creature closed the door and ran to the side of the bed. "What are you still doing up?"

The "miniature Cell" answered in a tiny voice, "Daddy, I can't sleep… I wanna sleep wit you!" Then his little face became slightly scrunched as he began to sob. Cell immediately sat up, picked up the little being under his arms and held him close. Cell gave a small sigh and whispered to him, "Alright… you can stay with Daddy."

"Yay!" The little toddler gave a happy squeal and snuggled up against his father's warm chest as Cell lay back down, staring at the blackened ceiling as his mind wandered back to the past…

--

Cell followed the red demon across the empty, hot Desert of Cain until they reached what looked like an elevator made entirely of pearl, right in the middle of nowhere! As Cell was thinking to himself how many steps it took for them to get here for future reference, he noticed the red demon reaching into his pants and pulling out a sort of Key Card. When the demon slid the card in its slot beside the doors, the doors to the elevator slid open and a loud "Ding" was heard. Both the demon and Cell stepped in and the red demon turned to an array of buttons at the right; he pressed one rather large, gold button and the doors to the elevator slid shut. As the elevator vibrated and began to rise, the large, red demon turned its ugly face to a cross-armed Cell.

"You know, Android," he scoffed, "you and that little white lizard think you two are so smart, tryin' to escape from Hell and all…"

Cell continued to stare at his own refection in the doors, trying not to become angry.

"…Why, you two must be the first to try it in over three-million years! But no matter… it doesn't matter how hard you or any of your puny "Hell Fighters" try. You and that alien can jump as high as you want, but King Enma will always jump _higher_…"

Cell by now could feel his face turning red and his claws digging into his arm muscles, but just then, the doors to the elevator opened, and Cell found himself staring at the largest office desk in perhaps recorded history… and sitting at that desk was none other then King Enma himself. This great enemy was about five times the size of Frieza's massive father, King Cold, and had red skin and black hair; the Highest Judge also sported a pair of bony horns which sprouted upwards from the purple hat he wore, while the rest of his clothes (a finely ironed suit and pants) were also purple.

Cell was quite surprised at first to see him so quickly, but he remained unaffected. King Enma took out his pair of reading glasses spoke while looking through the pages of one of his huge books:

"Cell, I have called you up here due to a grave importance: it would seem your sudden arrival down in H.F.I.L has led you to forget your past action while you still thrived on Earth. I have found in one of my Family Tree books that you have a _family_." King Enma looked up from his book to briefly stare over his glasses at Cell. "Is this true, Mr. Cell?"

Cell answered, "I honestly don't know what you are talking about. The only family I know of is my Creator, Dr. Gero, but he is already down in Hell with me. And now that I think of it, I also have eight siblings, all of whom were also created by Dr. Gero, but most of them are down here as well. So I really don't know what you're talking about."

Cell shrugged and stared up at King Enma innocently; the red demon now stood beside his Sovereign's two-story-tall desk, and he and King Enma exchanged looks. Then the King rose from his giant chair and closed his book. Removing his glasses, King Enma said to Cell, "Come with me, Mr. Cell… I must show you something…"

And so Cell followed the giant red monster and his minion to the inner parts of his endless castle…

--

Cell's eyelids popped open when he heard yet another knock on his bedroom door. The bug-like Android turned his head and tried whispering so that he wouldn't awake the small youngster already with him.

"_Who is it? Who's there?"_

For a moment, Cell was actually a little scared… what if it was an oni, sent by that ruthless king Enma to haul him off to the cold, sickening dungeons?! But Cell sighed a great sigh of relief when the door opened and two more little creatures peered in whom looked almost exactly like him.

"Three and Four? What do you two need?" Cell asked quietly.

The two miniature creatures closed the door and came right to the side of his bed. The both spoke in unison: "Daddy, One is snoring again. Can we stay wit you tonight?"

Cell looked off to the side as he sighed, "Well, I don't know…"

"_Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssse?"_ The two tiny Androids begged, delivering their oft used "sad puppy eyes" to sway their father. Cell grinned at this and gave in. The toddlers leapt upon the bed and took up sleeping spots: Three curled up on Cell's right, and Four on his left. Cell still had his hands folded protectively over Five, the first little "Cell Jr." that still lay asleep on his broad chest. Cell closed his eyes fruitlessly once more…

--

King Enma ended the walk in front of a large store-like entrance building set within the left wall of his high ceiling castle. Cell was nudged inside: he needed a moment to adjust his eyes to the brightly painted walls of "The Afterlife Nursery". The large spaces had flowers, cute animals, and all kinds of rather childish things painted on the walls, ceiling, and floor rug. Around the room there was colorful furniture, stacks of books, and about a hundred children's toys, some half broken, the rest on the verge. Cell stood there for a moment, then he turned to look up at King Enma.

"What the hell am I supposed to be looking at here?" He impatiently asked.

King Enma pointed a claw at a door where a large hole had been burned into it… not a good sign. Cell approached the door, opened it slowly and peeked nervously inside: the whole room was smoky, dirty and dark; the lights had all been blown out, the previously colorful walls of this room were now all Swiss Cheese-like with large, blackened burn holes as well as messy with thrown baby food and dents from having toys thrown into it. More baby toys lay out all over the dark room, and as Cell bravely stepped further into the room, he heard a noise!

"Hay… who's there?!" He called, getting into a battle stance.

A few seconds later, he spotted movement and two fat female oni appeared from the shadows. The two creatures looked as though they had crawled out of a filthy chimney: their clothes were torn, their already ugly faces were blackened and scuffed, and they both looked injured and panicked. As one stumbled over the mountain of broken toys and made a mad dash passed Cell and out the door behind him, the other tried to do the same and instead ended up crashing down at Cell's oversized, yellow feet. Cell watched with slight shock and confusion as the large oni grabbed hold of one of his ankles and looked up at him and shrieked:

"_Argg! Get me out of here! I can't take it! I can't take those little monsters!" _

"What little monsters?" Cell asked. "Who has done this?"

"_You know exactly who, you demon-spawner! I can tell by your looks! 'Twas YOU who had given birth to those horrible little imps!" _The oni woman cursed out Cell and before Cell even had a chance to retaliate, she had scampered passed him, out the door and was gone.

Cell then hear one more noise and turned his head back to the darkness of the destroyed room before him; by squinting his eyes, he could make out the shadowed silhouette of something that hadn't been there previously… "Who are you?! _Come out of there before I blast you out of there!"_ Cell threatened, and he stood in a different stance as if preparing to start a Kamahmaha.

From somewhere out in the darkness and behind the hills of damaged toys and other things, he heard _laughter…_ it wasn't just any laughter, but it was tiny cackling that gave him the chills and made him second think his threat. The laughter was not from just _one_ voice either, but from many voices:

"_Heheheheheheheheeeeeeeee!" _

Deep in the furthest reaches of the room, more shadowy figures popped up from the mountain of toys, and before Cell knew it, he was being approached by seven little bodies, each one with glowing eyes. Cell stood his ground and prepared a strike, but as the seven bodies began to leave the shadows, his energy beam faded and the large android stood upright as the little creatures revealed themselves:

"DADDY!"

Cell stood there, staring at the seven little beings that stood before him: each of them looked almost exactly like Cell himself, with the exceptions of being short, small, and _tailless._ They were also brightly colored blue, and rather cute little faces with beaming eyes and little grinning mouths. The "Cell Jr.s" were all bouncing up and down on their little yellow feet like little grasshoppers and chanting in unison:

_"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" _

Cell just couldn't believe it. His forehead began to bead with sweat, and his mind was racing. His mouth was slightly ajar, but no words came forth, for he could find nothing to say to them. Could they even understand him? Did they even have minds of their own? After all, they were only _copies_ of himself, right? How could this be? Cell slowly turned around and gazed up at the giant King Enma with all the shock and fear in his bright magenta eyes, his arms were shaking.

"…N-no…no, this can't be!" Cell finally said to the King.

"Ah, but it is, Mr. Cell," King Enma replied, folding his arms and sighing. "You made them. Therefore, they are all yours."

"But-but…but I only meant for them to be copies! Copies of myself! I never meant for them to be my actual offspring!" Cell stammered, his eyes growing wider.

"Well, why are you looking at me for, Cell? You're lucky I haven't decided to lock you in the dungeons for _abandoning_ these children!"

"But you don't understand! _I'm a killer android! I was built only to destroy! I was not built to raise a family, like some lowly human!"_

When he noticed King Enma's expression of carelessness was still the same, Cell dropped to his knees and for the first time in his life, he began to beg. _"Please! You've got to do something! I can't be a father! I am a killer android! I can't be a father!" _

But Cell's heart sunk to the very pits of nothingness when King Enma and his assistant turned their backs to him, even as he still sat there in the darkened room, begging. And Cell cringed when he heard King Enma replied simply,

"Well then, Mr. Cell, you should have thought of that before having children."

--

Cell could feel himself beginning to finally nod off… but it was all ruined when he heard yet another knock on his door. He sighed deeply as he moaned, "Come in…"

All the rest of the Cell Jr.s, (One, Two, Six, and Seven), had gathered at Cell's bedside within a second. Just before they could even open their mouths to complain, Cell relinquished his utter defeat: "…Yes, you all can sleep with Daddy…"

"_Yay!"_ The little voices all clamored as they climbed upon the bed and lay themselves over their father's body. Cell looked over at an old alarm clock sitting on the old, wooden nightstand and sighed: it was already 5:49, already morning. No way he would he getting any sleep now. Cell stared back up at the mold-covered ceiling of his tiny, plain room in utter defeat… _It sure is tough being Mr. Mom._


	2. Advice From Grandpa

"Cell? Are you alright?" Dr. Gero asked his greatest creation.

It was early the next morning. Cell and his Master both sat at their kitchen counter with mugs full of coffee in their right hands and the small, old TV playing at low-volume. There were no other sounds in the small housing complex the Hell residents stayed in: Cell's kids were all still in his room, sitting on his bed watching early morning cartoons on the other larger TV with the door closed. Dr. Gero's other (perhaps second-favorite) creation, Android 19, was outside sweeping the porch and watering Dr. Gero's herbal garden.

It took Cell quite a while to respond: "…Mm? Oh, yeah I'm fine…"

"Are you sure?" The old, mad scientist asked, slightly worried. "Cause you've got some mighty dark rings under your eyes."

Now that he had mentioned it, Cell _did _indeed have dark eye sockets, along with some droopy eyelids, and even his usually bright body and armor colors were rather faded. And Cell was so tired, the poor guy had to prop his head up with his other hand in order to keep himself from passing out over the countertop. But he managed to keep himself a wake enough to respond politely,

"Well, _you_ have some slightly dark rings under _your _eyes, too, Doctor…"

Dr. Gero gave a lighthearted chuckle before responding, "Yes, but that's because _I'm_ an old man!" Dr. Gero then reached a free hand over and gently held Cell's head up under his bronze jaw as he continued, "But you are barely four years old, Cell. You're my youngest Android."

Cell sighed. "I know, Master… I guess it's just that… I'm still new to this whole 'fatherhood' thing. I mean, I do try to sleep whenever I possibly can, however… whenever I try to, I can't stop thinking about my children! Its as though my whole being is telling me not to lose any of them, and I know the Cell Jr.s are capable of fighting off most enemies, but…" Cell trailed off and frown deeply, his emotions run dry. Eventually, he looked back up into his creator's eyes and asked, "Master… are these _maternal thoughts_? Am I becoming maternal?"

Dr. Gero stared at Cell for a long silent moment. Finally, he released Cell's metal jaw and sat back in his chair. The old, white-haired scientist gazed up into the moldy, plywood ceiling as if he was trying to remember something. Then he spoke:

"You know Cell… when I first created you, when you first came into form inside that glass chamber in my lab… I couldn't sleep either." Dr. Gero looked to at a stunned Cell with raised brushy eyebrows.

"Really? Why?" Cell pressed.

"Well, the moment I first saw you, Cell, I knew you were _different_ from all the other Androids I've created. You were special, and you carried with you my most sacred plan: the eradication of my greatest enemy." (Cell knew just who Dr. Gero was talking about: Goku.) "Of course I knew you'd succeed in this, but while you were still just a tiny baby in that tube, I worried about you Cell. You were such a fragile creature, barely an inch long!" Dr. Gero held up his hand and pinched apart two fingers to show the actual size.

"Wow… I was _that_ small?" Cell asked with wonder.

"Yep, you sure were." Dr. Gero continued with a smile. "And because of that, I worried about you and your development all the time. I kept my eyes on you nearly 24/7; I didn't even trust my own computers or cameras to look after you. You were like the child I never thought I could have…" Dr. Gero lifted his mug and took a sip of his coffee while Cell just sat there grinning proudly but still with half-lidded eyes.

"So… does that mean you had maternal thoughts for me, Doctor?" Cell eventually asked when Dr. Gero had placed his mug back down.

"Oh, I suppose you could say that." The former Red Ribbon Army personal replied calmly as he fingered at his brushy white mustache. "Though, I think 'maternal' might be too strong a word; let's just say I was just feeling the strain of being a sort of 'new father' for the first real time in my life. Much like the way you are feeling right now, Cell."

Cell sighed. He felt a whole lot better now. "Thank you, Master. This all does make more sense coming from you."

"Not a problem, Cell." Dr. Gero said beaming. "Now, why don't you let me take care of the little ones for half the day while you rest for a bit longer… if you'll even trust me with them?" Dr. Gero smirked as he stood from his wooden stool and placed his empty mug in the rusty sink.

"Oh, Master, I couldn't ask you to do that for me! I'm sure you have many experiments down in the basement lab that you need to work on." Cell almost stammered, gripping the edges of the kitchen counter with his strong hands.

"Now, now, Cell," Dr. Gero politely undermined as he struggled with the faucet to give him some water, "I can't have you becoming an insomniac when King Enma's got his demon hoards runnin' around and threatening us. Go back upstairs and get some rest, Cell; you look terrible. And don't worry about your coffee: you haven't even touched it, so 19 will have it."

Cell gave a little smile and obeyed his Creator. After many a "thank you", Cell dragged his aching feet up the long flight of creaking wood steps until he made it to the second floor of one of the many bunched up, run-down apartment buildings that King Enma forced them to stay in. Cell felt dizzy and he began to stumble about: his body was beginning to fail, just like a technical toy with burned-out batteries. He made it across the short hallway and opened his door.

All 7 of Cell's children still sat upon the edge of his big bed, their little feet dangling off the side. Even as Cell opened the door and came in, the Cell Jr.s didn't budge; their little magenta eyes remained glued to the big TV screen right in front of them. Cell rubbed his tired eyes with his thumb and index finger before he spoke:

"Kids, can you _please_ go down stairs and get your breakfasts now? Daddy has to get some rest…"

Only two of the Cell Jr.s gave Cell any attention, but they were quick to _protest_:

"No, Daddy! _Pokemon_ is coming on!" The first one (named Seven) whined loudly as he hopped down and ran to the TV, embracing it.

"Daddy, you already got your sleep, remember?" The second one (named One) complained dully. "We were with you the whole night."

Cell leaned into the chipped doorframe in defeat. He begged, "Kids, come on… Grandpa's downstairs and he's making you all marshmallow toast…"

"…YAAAAAAYYYYYY!"

Before Cell could even finish his sentence, all seven of the "mini Cells" jumped down from the bed and ran out the door passed their Dad, screaming at the top of their little lungs with excitement for their favorite breakfast dish. They were so loud that by time they had all disappeared out of the room, Cell was left with a great ringing to accompany his already existing headache.

Cell closed the door with his foot and made sure it was locked (although the rusted keyhole and doorknob were pretty much hanging from the stretched-out hole in the wood). He came to his bed, turned around, and allowed himself to fall almost lifelessly upon the creaky bed.

"Ouch…"

Cell was suddenly struck with a great spiking pain in his lower back, so he arched his back, unfolded his very long, black wings and reached behind himself. What he found and pulled out didn't surprise him: a small, plastic yellow Pikachu complete with spiky, zigzag tail. Cell groaned and rolled his eyes as he threw the toy away and turned over on his side, too worn out to even cover himself with the thin white sheets. As the bug-like android stared into the crayon-covered wall which bordered the bed, Cell couldn't help but think back to the very day he decided to create the seven little monsters that were now running his life… one dumb decision that ultimately brought an eternity of responsibilities onto his shoulders…


	3. How To Make A Baby, Part 1

Author's Note: I felt compelled to give out a clear warning before you read this next chapter. These next chapters dare to dwell into the touchy issue of "male pregnancy", because I'm pretty sure Cell, as awesome a creature he is, couldn't just simply grow _seven_ whole children in a matter of _five seconds_, as the DBZ episodes seem to portray. Also, this next chapter contains a little masturbation, hence the reason behind my change of the original Rating to Mature. So enjoy the rest of the story… with caution… 

--

_Flashback_: It was almost exactly four years _earlier._

The entire world was up in arms: the killer android, Cell, had hijacked a local news building in the middle of the city. It was here that he announced, in broad daylight, that there would be a Budokai -like tournament called The Cell Games, which would ultimately decide the fate of the planet Earth as well as pretty much the rest of the universe. This "Doomsday Announcement" as it was called would be the spark that would ignite the huge migration of Earth's only human race to the very ends of the Earth.

After annihilating Earth's last army defenses with barely a sweat or a scratch, Cell made his way across the countryside, gliding through the open air on his very long, black metal wings; from way down below, one could mistaken him for a green fighter jet! But Cell was not looking for an audience… not until the big day of _his_ Tournament, anyways. Cell's inner navigational systems helped him find his way back to his white tile battle stage which he had created himself.

The genetically engineered creature landed softly on his two yellow feet, producing only a dime-sized cloud of dust. Cell had his arms crossed in the very style the famous Ice-jin Alien, Frieza, usually does; there was no coincidence of this, though! The android did not posses his very own, unique bloodline; truthfully, Cell was a _mutt._ A "super-hybrid" of sorts, he was created by the super genius Dr. Gero from only the mere DNA strands of only the greatest warriors in the universe. Frieza included.

His mutt blood may not have seemed like anything to be proud of, but with the genetics of a Human, a Saiyan, a Namekian, and an Ice-jin, Cell was gifted with the most prized and powerful fighting techniques from all four of these races. He was also born with the past lives of these specific warriors programmed into his brain.

As Cell stood in his spot like a statue, he just so happened to be restudying just one of these programmed data bios: Frieza was always his favorite. Cell admired how quickly it took the alien prince to overtake nearly the entire universe over a time span of only a few years. He thought to himself as Frieza's computer files passed through his head like a computer monitor screen:

_My, my, Frieza! How smart you were to have so many followers and friends to accompany you on your conquests…_

That was when it hit him. Cell looked around himself; he had no giant army of his own, no faithful henchmen, not even related siblings (if you could even call the other Androids his "siblings"). Cell looked over his shoulder and sighed… no one was there with him, and he was sure no one would be there to witness his elimination of Earth, or his takeover of the universe… Cell frowned and turned back to face the wide empty pastures that surrounded his white tile battle stage.

Perhaps the worst thing of all was that the very man who gave Cell life was not present with him either. As the cool wind blew through the trees and chilled the back of his neck, Cell looked up into the deep blue sky and spoke longingly:

"Oh, Master… how I wish you could be here for me. Why did you have to let those retched traitors kill you? Surly you could have run away, as cowardly as that sounds, but it would have allowed us to be together. You could have witnessed the conquest of your favorite creation…Doctor, I wish you were here."

Cell's eyes widened, and he shook his head. The killer android grimaced at the ground as he scolded himself:

_Ugh! What was I thinking? I sound so pitiful; stupid Goku and his soft cells! It's HIS tender-hearted genes that make me think like that! Well no more! Dr. Gero would be disappointed in me if he saw me acting like that! Get yourself together._

Cell straightened himself out and looked straight ahead, wearing a look of seriousness that lasted for only a moment. Then the feeling of loneliness overtook the android once again…

_There must be something I can do about this… _Cell thought deeply to himself. _Surely I can create my own followers? Perhaps clones of myself? Yes, I can use Tienshinhan's technique, the Nin Pou Bun Shin no Jutsu, and make five of myself. _

Cell uncrossed his strong arms and clenched his white hands into fists, preparing to do the attack. But then he stopped and rethought:

_Wait. This is no good! The Nin Pou Bun Shin no Jutsu is just an attack move, not an actual self-cloning physical technique. And even if it was, what would be the point of having five exact copies of myself following me around all the time? Hell, I bet they wouldn't be the least bit surprised by my conquest of the world! There must be another way to do this… perhaps Dr. Gero has something stored into my Intelligence System that can help me…_

Dr. Gero had indeed stored such a program within Cell's body, and after taking just a few minutes to check, the beetle-like android found a program hidden deep within his memory chips… it was a rather peculiar one, a technique which he had never used before…

_Cell Jiyuniaumidashi_.

"Cell… Juniors?" Cell said out loud to himself as he made a weird face. The 'juniors' part worried him a bit; he just wasn't entirely sure what that was supposed to mean. But Cell shrugged to himself and muttered, "Ah well… if Dr. Gero put it in me, I'm sure its something effective…"

And so it began: Cell initiated the _Cell Jiyuniaumidashi_ program by working together the transitions from his brain to the rest of his body. Then he waited. He stood with his hands resting on his hips and his eyes to the ground in concentration. But nothing seemed to happen. Cell waited even longer. After about an hour of just standing there, Cell lifted his head and allowed the breath he had been holding to silently slip out through his nose. He looked himself over.

He looked down his front, checked out his sides, under his arms, and behind his legs. He reached both hands up and felt around his handsome face, then the armor "horns" that rounded his head. Then Cell turned his head to try to get a look down his back before lifting up his tail and inspecting that area as well. Nothing! He found nothing had changed on him, and he was not happy about this…

--

Two hours passed by like leaves in the wind, and Cell was left staring out at the setting sun in the horizon with resentment in his heart. When the last of the planet's sun's rays had been cut off by the not too distant hills of trees, Cell took a seat in the cool grass near the front of the playing field and closed his eyes; he was used to sleeping while sitting in Indian-style. After all, he had to be prepared to jump up and attack should he be ambushed.

It didn't take long for the Cell's brain's R.E.M sequence to kick in and put him to sleep. At first there was nothing, nothing but blackness in his dreams… then things began to form. Cell found himself hiding behind a thick bush outside an office building in the middle of the night. There was only one light on in the whole building, within the lobby. He was in Hunter mode: the instinctive mode that no other mode could outdo. It was Cell's _wild_ side, and it was _hungry_…

Then… there it was! The perfect specimen of prey: a young female human in high heels carrying a suitcase. There was no way such a flashy human could run very fast or very far, so Cell proceeded to stalk her. He licked the pointy teeth under his beak-like mouth as he set foot upon the pavement.

As Cell stepped silently across the wet pavement of the parking lot, he caught a glimpse of himself in a puddle of water: he was in his First Form, his Imperfect bird/lizard-like form with the Frieza-like, three-toed feet. As the woman made it to her lone car, the predatorily android broke into a dash! Cell could no longer contain his excitement for the hunt, and he let out a loud, raptor-like cry:

"_EEAAARAAAAAAAARKAKA!!!"_

SLAM! Cell hit his target with such force it smashed in the entire side of the woman's car and sent it sliding about two feet away. Cell had his vice-like beak over the human's throat and was slowly suffocating her like a lion would to an antelope; his sharp, black claws dug into her flesh and his greatest weapon, his _tail_, was arched over his head like a scorpion's, with the stinger embedded into the human's head. As Cell's tail sucked the life from his prey from the inside out, Cell decided to enjoy this catch: he retracted his claws and began to fondle the dead human like it were his very own play thing, all the while licking up her sweet blood…

--

Cell awoke to the sight of shadowed tree bark and the smell of pine. It was the middle of the night, and Cell opened his eyes to find himself in a _very awkward _position: he had his strong arms gripping the trunk of a large, random tree in the middle of the woods somewhere; Cell looked down lower and noticed his thighs were gripped around the tree tightly as well, and as he further observed himself, he was mortified to find that the black shell covering his reproductive organs was bulging and the surface of the shell was scratched up.

Cell's heart jumped and he let out a gasp; he immediately bounded off the tree and just stood there with his hand over his mouth and widened eyes… _Was I just humping that tree?!_

For a rather long while Cell stood there like a frightened animal caught in headlights; eventually, he slowly removed his hand from his mouth and backed away from the tree, his brain was filling with possible theories and excuses as to what he was doing and why: _Perhaps I was just sleepwalking?_ He thought to himself. _Yeah! That's it, that's all… I was just "sleepwalking"… _And so Cell ended it with that; he turned around and started to head off back to the battle stage. He tried to reassure himself with a little smile, but even in the darkness of the deep woods, there was no hiding the embarrassment and fear in his eyes.

As Cell kept walking, he couldn't help but notice how his thigh muscles were rubbing against his crotch shell, making it hot and uncomfortable; he stopped and placed his cool hand over his crotch in hopes of alleviating, but within seconds Cell felt the urge to grab it. Before he knew it, he was rubbing his hand into himself in obvious satisfaction. Cell snapped out of it a moment later and immediately stole his hand away from himself; he felt like hitting himself for acting this way: _Why am I doing this?! Why am I acting like such an animal?! What is wrong with me?!_


	4. How To Make A Baby, Part 2

Cell paced the soft forest floor in a state of anxiety and turmoil, thinking desperately what he should do about this, while every ten seconds he felt the uncompromising urge to grab his own shaft. He was sweating, and his brain seemed to be drowning in a flood of erotic thoughts and fantasies. He looked towards the north and noticed a large pile of rocks a few strides away. Cell began to canter to the rocks, picking up his feet and trying to keep his thighs from rubbing his crotch, but it was no use; by time Cell had reached the shadowy earthly formations, he had become aroused yet again. He simply could not stop himself from "catching" a random rock and sexually rubbing himself up against it; Cell was quick to pull himself away, but found himself starving for physical pleasure. He was soon darting all around the woods like a blind animal, grappling and trying to mate with random inanimate objects. And as much as Cell tried to stop himself from acting so crazy, he felt sick to his stomach whenever he did; it was as though his own Perfect body had now turned against him…

After nearly two hours of this hit-and-run humping, Cell's Ki Energy was drained considerably, and he had collapsed upon a cool rock; his body was wet with cold sweat, and his long wings were sticking the ground because he was on his knees. The rock's cold surface felt wonderful against his burning reproductive organs; however, it did nothing to stop the surmounting urges within him to fertilize…

Cell looked down himself and moaned as he excreted upon the hard surface and all over himself. As his own pale excretions ran down his muscular legs, Cell pushed himself to his feet and began to stumble out to a clear opening in the woods, where he would find a small lake surrounded by some more gray rocks. He sure looked funny trying to keep his legs far enough apart, all the while praying his sexual drive would not be recharged.

He came to the lake's edge; his big, yellow feet were sinking in the deep mud. Cell proceeded to walk right in; the water's surface was a bit nasty with green algae, and as he got deeper he could feel little fish and long underwater plants brushing up against his protective, green armor and white skin. However, the good news was that the water was very chilly, which caused Cell's erection to finally go down, and it washed away his excretion. After running around the woods all night humping things and getting excessively sweaty, the cool water felt rather nice, so Cell kept going in deeper into the lake until the water was up to his gold, metal chin. Cell doggy-paddled around the lake for a while, happy that he was the only creature there (besides the harmless animals, of course) who knew what he was doing.

Finally, after dunking his head in the cool water and exploring the underwater habitat (and snagging some small fish with his tail for a midnight snack), Cell emerged from the lake at a different spot that wasn't so muddy; there, Cell hunched over and shook himself off like a dog, the droplets of water flying in every direction. After flapping his steel wings some to dry them off as well, Cell headed off back into the woods; he wiggled his little bobbed tail in a rather cute fashion to get the remaining water off.

A few minutes into the walk, Cell noticed that the sky was growing lighter in color, and he looked further near the horizon as far as he could see and noticed the familiar oranges, purples, and reds that came with a sunrise. Yes, the night was over, and Cell sighed to himself as he continued on, growing more and more shocked at how far he had "sleepwalked" away from the battle stage. A little while later, as the sky grew lighter and lighter, Cell was getting hungrier and hungrier; when he eventually made it back to his small, costume-made arena, the android spotted a brown doe, curiously inspecting this new tiled place within its territory.

The deer sniffed the white stage spikes and even jumped up upon the hard surface, apparently just out of simple curiosity. The clomping of its hoofs on the tiles could be heard by Cell even as far away as he stood, which wasn't very far. So he slipped into some deep bushes to await a chance to ambush his prey; Cell's spotted green armor was a perfect camouflage! Cell waited and watched, his hunger growing with each passing long moment: he didn't want to scare the doe away from his battle stage, for that would ruin any other chance that other curious animals would come out of hiding in the forest, and it would save Cell the time and energy of looking for them.

Just then, the doe grew tired of the battle stage and made a break into the woods. Cell gave chase! His Predator/Hunter mode was instantly activated as soon as he reached galloping speed; he darted over rocks, under branches, and around trees. The deer eventually figured out it was being chased and tried to pick up its speed, but the Earthly creature was no match for the superbly build android, and the distance gap between Cell and the doe was beginning to close. However, Cell could feel his thighs rubbing vigorously against his crotch again, and the vibrations of sexual desire began to fill his veins… Cell was begging his Perfect body to fight off the urges as he came just inches away from the backend of the deer; with a pounce and a hard tackle that would make any animal predator jealous, Cell caught his pray after only a few seconds of a hunt. But the speed of the hunt cause both predator and prey to go sliding across the leaf-laden forest floor. Cell closed his eyes and hugged onto his catch tightly, waiting to stop…

Cell opened his eyes to find himself still clutching the doe's rear end, but was mortified at what else he was doing: he had his bulging crotch buried in between the doe's long legs and was briskly rubbing himself up and down in obvious humping fashion. Cell's forehead began to bead with sweat and he grit his teeth, trying to stifle his whiny moans; he so desperately wanted to pull away, but the warmth of the other being against his throbbing organs was too much to give up. The android _was_ able to find enough morality in himself to stop jacking the poor deer (who, surprisingly, wasn't putting up much of a fight to get away from Cell. It just sat there patiently waiting for Cell to let go). Cell eventually _did_ let go, and the female deer stood to its feet, gave Cell a look and simply walked away with its head and tail held high, leaving Cell just sitting there alone on the ground with a complete look of bewilderment and disgust for himself. Eventually, he came to his senses:

_Sigh… I just sexually assaulted a deer. There IS something wrong with me…_

Cell stood up, his cheeks were pink and his eyes downcast. He started to walk away, but his sexual drive was immediately turned right back on as soon as his thighs rubbed again; Cell could feel it. He was about to excrete all over himself once again… He desperately looked around for some poor, innocent inanimate object to take some of the blow. But then it occurred to him: why not use his _own tail_ as a sort of "vacuum" to avoid another mess which would require another bath in the cold lake water; after all, his tail was made for suction. So Cell quickly got on his hands and knees, extended his long, tube-like tail, opened up the "stinger" end into a widened hole and fitted it over his throbbing crotch.

Cell waited until he could feel the small shell loosen off his reproductive organs and his excretions spewed forth from his shaft; the bug-like android held his breath as he worked the muscles in his tail to suck away his seeds. Of course, Cell felt very strange absorbing himself, if you could call it that, but with the sun rising at a considerable rate and the shadows disappearing, he could think of nothing else.

Keeping his tail between his legs, Cell rose and made his way out of the woods and back onto his battle stage; since he let the deer go, he was still rather hungry, but until he was done cleaning himself up of his "lusts", he would have to wait. For about an hour he stood there and waited with his thick arms crossed over his beefy chest and his tail fitted over his crotch, but surprisingly, he began to feel normal again. Cell looked down himself and removed his suctioned tail from his crotch: everything looked normal now, the little black shell was back over everything and there was no trace of his "wild night", so to speak.

And so with a hefty sigh, Cell hopped off the battle stage and galloped away into the open fields, beyond the high rocky hills. He was hoping to find something to eat/absorb before the new day brought by any unwanted guests to his domain; Cell was fortunate enough to find and chase down a cow that was just wandering around the area alone. The android dragged his catch over to a shadowy spot under a rocky cliff and enjoyed his breakfast there; by time he had finished, the cow was only a pile of bones. Cell withdrew his tail back into his body just as he felt a ping of pain between his legs.

_Oh great… _Cell sighed and rolled his eyes. _Not again!_

Cell appeared out of his shady spot and tried walking back to his stage, but with each step he took, he felt more and more horny, and his full stomach didn't make things any easier. When he found himself reaching down and cupping his hand over his problem area, Cell gave up trying to make it back and looked around in the opposite direction, hoping to find a place to hide. He took the risk and traveled a few more yards to a cliff overlooking a great valley of _very_ tall grass…


	5. How To Make A Baby, Part 3

Cell, still clutching his bulging crotch, descended the small rocky mountain and into the green valley, which was, quite literally, a sea of tall grass, reeds, and tan wheat. The grass there was 5 feet tall, enough to reach Cell's collarbone. Cell needed to travel further into the valley in order to hide himself from any enemies; he also wanted to make this worth his while. Cell was really beginning to get sick of his body acting this way, and Hell would freeze over before he'd let this happen to him when the time comes to battle the Z Warriors.

After a few embarrassing minutes of striding smoothly through the long grass with his back hunched slightly and holding his crotch, Cell found a nice cozy spot a few yards away from a pair of pine trees. He settled down on the warm, soft floor and was careful not to let his wings flatten out the grass stalks; as he got on is hands and knees, he could already feel himself leaking, so he quickly stretched his tail out between his legs and over his shaft, working the muscles in a massage-type fashion. It didn't take very long for Cell to excrete fully.

When his tail finished up the job, Cell sat down with his powerful legs folded underneath him and waited; his tail still remained up under himself, but the end had released his length. He didn't have to wait for very long: when his mind began to wonder back to the incredibly weird dream he had where he fondled the human woman, Cell began to feel "stiff" down below. Next came the sweat, the heavy breathing, and more erotic thoughts; when he could take no more, he gripped his dick, but then remembered his tail and released it, letting his tail take over. He was surprised at how well his tail worked around it, and two minutes later he released himself again. When it was done, Cell gave a groan and tried to sit down on his legs again, but the heat of his body irritated his reproductive organs: this time, the feelings to masturbate were much more intense, and Cell sat up immediately and grabbed his crotch, even though it was still within the cupping form of his tail stinger. The distraught android began to hump, lifting his rear up and down slightly in a rhythm; it took twenty minutes for him to finally release, but when he did, it _burned_. Cell cringed and rolled over on his side in pain; a whole hour passed by before he felt the urges all over again…

It was two more hours later: Cell excreted himself a total of _seven times _(including the first time he ejaculated into his tail), and each time he did he allowed his tail to absorb every bit of his seeds that came out. When it was all over and all erotica had finally left his body, Cell was _exhausted_; his head was spinning and his reproductive organ was sore. He was feeling so yucky and drained, he could care less if anyone sees him now; he didn't even bother swatting away the many flies that collected around to sip up his sweat. One would mistake him for a dead animal; eventually, though, Cell knew he had to go back to his battle stage and await the end of the week.

Cell finally stood after a very long while of just laying around in the long grassy valley; he was very wobbly on his long legs, and even fell over once, but eventually he managed to trot through the tall grass at a quick enough speed to make it back to the battle stage by late afternoon…

--

Morning…

Cell awoke from a very long nap a few hours later; he was back at his battle stage, sitting with is long legs hanging off the side and his back leaning into one of the pillars. It took the android surprisingly long to fully awaken, and even when he managed to stand up on his feet, he still found himself leaning into the pillar, his eyelids very heavy. His crotch was still, unsurprisingly, quite sore, but at this point Cell was just thankful he was finally out of his "phase" of uncontrollable sexual urging.

Cell shook his head to get himself awake; he strolled out to the center of the arena and gazed all around him, making sure there was no one around to surprise him. When all seemed clear, the bug-like android stretched himself out some: Cell almost wanted to laugh as he remembered Goku always liked to do this same thing when he woke up. When Cell placed his hands on his knees and stretched out his very long, steel wings, he suddenly felt uncomfortable; his mouth began to water, his head felt dizzy and his stomach growled slightly.

Cell swallowed and stood up straight, quite alarmed; he placed a hand to his own stomach and felt it rumbling faintly. He thought to himself,

_That's strange… my body is acting very unusual. But it can't be telling me I must feed again… I just absorbed two more cows on my way back here… and I still feel full…_

Cell shrugged, thinking nothing of it; he walked over to where a puddle of water from the humidity had collected in a shallow depression in the dirt ground. Cell leaned over to look himself in the mirror-like reflection: he was a bit surprised to see himself blushing! Why were his normally white cheeks pink for? However, before Cell had anytime to think about this, a terrible feeling of intense nausea suddenly overtook him.

Cell shot straight up, but it was too late; he could feel it coming. He gave a shiver and began to gag; the android cupped his hand over his mouth and bolted to the nearest collection of shrubbery. Cell leaned in and threw up behind the bushes. At first it was only bile, but then he grew more nauseous and threw up again, this time a little more violently.

"_Mooo." _

Feeling terrible, Cell lifted his head, his vision was blurry. Sitting there right where he threw it up was a cow, one of the very cows he had absorbed the other day; the cow stood to its feet, looked at Cell curiously, then simply walked away into the pastures, still a little wet from Cell's spit. Cell stood there, dumbstruck and dizzy, for a few minutes; he wiped his mouth and stood up straight and overlooked the mess he made.

_What the hell…? Why am I having morning sickness?_

Cell waited a few more moments before deciding he was over it now and the android (delicately) walked back to his white tile battle stage…

--

Over the next five days, Cell was continuously awakened by bouts with morning sickness; he would dash over to the same bunches of shrubs and, so far, has vomited up: a dog, a horse, two rabbits, five squirrels, a wolf, and a small bear, all of which scampered, galloped, or hopped away as soon as they regained their consciousness. Some days he'd be feeling rather fatigued, and would do nothing but lay around in the bushes or forest; it was funny, many animals thought he was dead, and would come up to the large biomechanical being for a curious sniff.

Then there were some "special" moments where Cell would be craving the oddest things to eat/absorb: vegetation, fish, other random animals, car parts, bugs, small metal objects, and etcetera. One minute he'd be just standing in his usual spot, waiting patiently for the day of the Cell Games to arrive, and then the next minute he'd be zooming almost blindly off into the forest or valley. Of course, there were also times where he didn't feel like eating for days.

But perhaps the strangest thing of all was, despite the constant morning sickness and loss of appetites, Cell noticed himself becoming _plump_ around his middle. It was impossible to tell from a distance, and still hard to tell even when up close, but Cell himself knew for certain that his body was changing. He could even feel himself getting heavier, and it couldn't be from all the strange foods he's been skarfing down, because he's been throwing half of it back up in the mornings. Day after day, even hour after hour, Cell could feel his Perfect body becoming more pudgy, albeit slightly; it soon became hard for him to stand up after long nights of sleeping, and he began to feel lower back pains as well.

One evening, Cell racked his brain trying to figure it all out: _Dear Kami… what the hell is happening to me? Why do I feel this way, and why am I getting so fat all of the sudden?! Dr. Gero, why have you put this damned program into me?! What have you done, Master?! This may very well, Kami forbid, wreck my Perfect body and ruin my chances of fulfilling your dream, Master!_

Cell took a minute to calm himself down; he really shouldn't question the intentions of the very man who gave him life! His thoughts resumed once more,

_Oh, Doctor… obviously this "Cell __Jiyuniaumidashi" download is even causing me to have mood swings! But still, I must never doubt you, my Creator… I will go through with this program just as I am supposed to do, no matter how much it hurts me…_

And with that, Cell lay his tired, heavy body down unto the soft, leafy earth within the dark forest, allowing his camouflaging green spotted armor to do its work. It would not be until hours later that Cell would learn just what _exactly_ was happing inside him…


	6. How To Make A Baby, Part 4

_Daddy…_

_Daddy…_

Cell opened his magenta eyes. He found himself still in the deep dark forest area leaning against a tree with his hands folded over his bulging stomach. Cell didn't move a muscle; he just looked around his visual surroundings… Not seeing or sensing anything around him at all, Cell figured it was only a dream and went back to sleep, but it was only a few minutes later that he heard it again…

_Daddy…!_

Cell was now wide awake! His black claws were now extended and digging into the ground as he fearfully jerked his head around trying to find the source of the noise.

"Now I _know_ I heard something…!" he said out loud to himself.

The android still saw no one around him, but Cell suddenly felt _something_ inside his stomach beginning to _move!_ Freaking out, Cell got up on his knees, his hands gripping his belly; the movement in his stomach was undeniable, and it seemed like there was more then one individual movement happening inside him. Cell stared at his stomach and his eyes widened!

_Oh my Kami! _Cell thought to himself, horrified. _What the hell is happening to me?!_

_Daddy, your getting too cramped! _

_Yeah, that's what's happening!_

And there were those tiny voices again! Cell stopped thinking to himself and sat still, waiting to hear the voices again… they seemed to be coming from inside his head…

_Daddy? _

_Are you there, Daddy?_

"Y-yes… yes! I'm here! I'm still here!" Cell spoke down to his own belly (and he felt quite stupid doing so).

_Daddy! Where are you?!_

_Help us, please!_

_Don't leave us, Daddy!_

_Why can't they hear me?! I'm not going anywhere! _Cell thought to himself inside his head. _I'm right here! Why can't they hear me?!_

_Oh, there you are, Daddy! Hee hee hee!_

_That was funny! We 'was all like "Ahh, help us!"_

_Hee hee hee!_

_Yeah! Ha ha ha ha!_

Cell was now more dumbfounded then ever. Now the child-like voices were joyful and full of mischievous laughter. Could these voices only hear him when he thought to himself in his mind?

_Um… Can you guys hear me when I think to myself? _Cell thought to his body, and the answers came quickly.

_Yes!_

_Oh, yes we can!_

_We can hear you as long as you talk to us wit your thoughts, Daddy._

_Hm… okay, okay. I get it now. I'll use my brain to speak. _But there was still one question that never left the back of Cell's mind: _Who are you guys? And why are you all calling me "Daddy"? _The tiny voices of the moving things inside his belly spoke:

_Silly Daddy! Don't you recognize us?_

_We're your kids, Dad._

_Yeah. You made us, remember? _

_Er…um… I guess so. _Cell spoke internally._ I guess I did; does this have something to do with the program I activated a few days ago?_

_What do you mean, Daddy?_

_I think I know what he means… Dad's talking about the "Cell Jin…um…the Jiunin… er…_

_I think it's called the "Cell Juniata"…_

…_No, I think its something else._

_Yeah, that's stupid._

_Who are you callin' stupid?!_

_You!_

_Oh yeah?!_

Suddenly, Cell became cramped with pain. He doubled over hugging his swollen stomach; he could feel two of his children squirming against each other in a sort of "battle". The large android grunted as he sat himself back up and his brain scolded them: _Stop! Stop it! Both of you! You're hurting me!_

Two little voices spoke back in clear remorse:

_Oops. Sorry Daddy._

_Yeah, sorry. We forgot how cramped it is in here…_

Cell took a deep breath and sighed before responding. _Its okay, kids. _But then he remembered. _Oh my KAMI! Did I just say, "Kids"?! If they say they're my "kids", then that means I'm… I'm… Oh Jeezus…_

All the tiny toddler voices chanted in unison:

_PREGNANT! YAY! _

They laughed shrilly as Cell could feel his heart sinking into the floor and his eyes widening. _But I still can't believe these voices say they are my children! Children! Me! Me having children! I'm supposed to be a killer android and instead I'm going to be a FATHER! _

_Well… actually Daddy you're not a true daddy YET…_

_Yeah, you have to let us out of here first…_

_Yeah, Daddy, let us out! It's dark and crowded in here!_

_Yeah, Daddy! Let us out!_

Cell could feel the intense pain and cramps returning as the little creatures inside his belly began to wiggle around restlessly; Cell grit his teeth and gripped at his bulging stomach while the shrill toddler's voices filled his head, chanting in unison:

_Let us out! Let us out! Let us out!_

Cell began to sweat profusely and he cried out as the intense _contractions _ripped at his Perfect body. The android fell over on his side still hugging himself in agony; the voices inside his head yelled ever louder:

_LET US OUT! LET US OUT! LET US OUT!_

The android rolled on his back, shaking. Finally, Cell could not longer take the torment; he arched his head back and screamed so loudly that the birds in the tree above him went fleeing. His mind screamed as well: _NO! STOP! AHGG! I CAN'T! I CAN'T DO THIS! I CAN'T GIVE BIRTH TO YOU ALL, NOT NOW! THERE'S A FIGHT TOMORROW! I CAN'T GIVE BIRTH!_

Suddenly, there was almost instant silence. Cell opened his eyes to find the terrible pain and movement in his belly had finally subsided; the Cell Jr.s eventually spoke after a moment or two,

_There's a fight tomorrow?_

_Why didn't you tell us that before, Daddy?_

Cell wanted to respond, but he was just too wiped out to think about anything; then one of the Cell Jr.s spoke,

_Gee, Daddy… that sounds kinda' dumb fighting while you're pregnant!_

The other toddler voices agreed. Cell finally found the strength to respond: _Sigh… Yes, kids, I know it sounds crazy, but I planned this whole fight before I accidentally impregnated myself with you guys. I had no idea the Cell __Jiyuniaumidashi__ would be like this!_

A toddler voice spoke disdainfully: _"Accidentally impregnated"? Daddy! Normal creatures don't just accidentally impregnate themselves! When they want to have babies, they KNOW it!_

_And besides Daddy, _another bratty voice said,_ you just said you planned the big fight ahead of time, so why on earth did you decide to have us when you knew you were having a big fight soon?_

The other young minds agreed, and asked their father in unison: _Yeah, Daddy: why? _

Cell nearly lost his mind: _I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW! FOR KAMI'S SAKE, I'M SORRY! I'm new at this, ok?! In fact, I'm only THREE YEARS OLD right now, so I must be the YOUNGEST person alive in this universe to actually BE pregnant! Plus, my Master is dead, so I have… (sigh)… I have no one around… to help me…_

Cell's mental outburst ended with an emotion of sorrow and loneliness in the pit of his "evil" heart. He was even shaking his head softly with his magenta eyes to the ground as the remembrance of that wonderful old scientist who gave up his life (figuratively and literally) for Cell's existence was now gone; and Dr. Gero never even saw him reach his Perfect Form…

Cell began to hear strange but soft noises inside his head, so he concentrated his thoughts to hear them: they were _sobbing_ sounds! He turned his mind to the noises and asked: _Hay, what's wrong? What's all that noise?_

Eventually, one of the kids was able to control his sobbing to speak,

_Daddy… (Sob) Why did Grandpa die? (Sob!)_

_Yeah, Daddy, _another said,_ why did Grandpa have to go? (Sob)_

It was at that moment that Cell became emotionally _moved_ in a way in which he had never been moved before… he placed his hands to his bloated tummy to feel the little beings inside him crying their little eyes out, then he brought his head down so that his forehead rested upon his tummy. Being so very close to his little ones, Cell could now hear their weeping more clearly then ever, and the soon-to-be-father began to feel tears welling up in his own eyes.

_Children… please don't cry… I know it hurts not to have your creator around… it-it hurts me, too…_ Cell sobbed. _I'm hurting too, but if you can all just find the strength to stay inside my body, I know a way we can get back at those who had cause our creator such struggles in the first place. Children… stay inside me until I know the right time, and I will know when that is… you all just have to trust me._

The seven little bodies inside him spoke in tiny, recovering voices,

_We will, Daddy._

Then they went away.

Cell could feel the little fetuses settling down and going to sleep within the warm and snuggly space that was their father's "womb" (if you could even call it _that_). Cell slowly lifted his face away from his belly, seeing the damp tears left behind; he cleaned himself off and dried his eyes, but he halted at the sight of the last teardrop. Cell stared at the little droplet on his finger for a moment or two, then he irritably wrinkled his pointy nose and lightly flicked it unto the vegetation next to him. As he lay back down, he muttered,

"_Humph…stupid Goku and his soft cells…"_


	7. Birth!

Author's Note: Dear Good Readers and Reviewers, 

Due to lack of time and attention, some of the content in this next chapter may be found to be somewhat or completely **un-canon **(meaning it is not up to the correct standards) of the original Dragon Ball Z/Cell Saga episodes and scripts. This chapter was written fairly out of pure memory and fiction; however, I do invite any of you reading this to Review or Email me if you have any corrections or DBZ quotes I should know about. It would really help me out of I could have some help from those of you who know the Cell Saga very well and know all the little details which it contains. Thank you for your patience, now on with the chapter…

--

Cell was up before Earth's sun. The android shook the cold, morning dew off his armored body and made his way to the familiar spot in the middle of his battle arena; for a while he stood there like a formidable statue, only moving every so often to either sigh or to swat and scratch at the tiny gnats that collected around him. After an hour or so, his stomach begins to growl, but Cell decided against going out to feed; no one ever faired well in a huge fight after eating.

Then the sun began to rise. Cell watched with slight interest, and he allowed his arms to unfold at his side to enjoy the sun's warm rays hitting his body. His mind clear; in fact, not a minute of the traumatizing events of last night had made it back to his memory chips yet. As far as Cell knew, he had just had a bad dream, caused once again by the incredibly unusual symptoms he's been having…

Just then, Cell heard a noise. His super senses picked up on it right away and he turned his head ever so slightly in the direction of it. What he saw didn't surprise him: a TV reporter and his camera man, both armed only with a microphone and a large, wheeling metal box camera with the logo "Z-TV" on the front. Cell sighed and turned his head away. They were only humans.

It was not long, however, until a whole prong of humans came along, majority of them even willing to fight Cell, but of course, these fights didn't last long enough to take a snap shot of: one by one, Cell sent them all flying out of the ring using nothing more then his Ki Aura. But this was not the_ real_ tournament he was waiting for: the _real _challenge only came when he was finally approached by his true enemies: the Z fighters…

--

It was about thirty minutes later. Cell and his Creator's arch-nemesis Goku have already begun their duel in the ring, showing off their extraordinary fighting skills. There the two creatures were, soaring in and out of sight and landing shots on each other; at last, Cell found himself a little dazed from a well-landed blow in the stomach by Goku, and before he had time to block it, Goku kicked the android hard into the air and proceeded to fire an expected Kamehameha at him. Just as Cell finally stopped himself from spinning, something crazy happened: he heard _voices_ in his head!

_Owe! That one hurt._

_Hay Daddy! How come you didn't see that one coming?_

Cell's eyes wide! He looked down himself and thought to himself, _What the hell? Who said that?_

_WE said that!_

_Yeah, your KIDS, remember?_

Cell gazed up into the sky: suddenly all the events of last night came flooding back to him…

BAM!

Not paying attention cost him once again as Cell was caught in the Kamehameha's mighty blast; it was hard enough to get out of, and even harder to stop, but eventually Dr. Gero's greatest creation managed easily once he put his full mind to it. While Goku was distracted by a good Ki Beam shot by his opponent, Cell turned his attention to the voices of his children: _You guys! Yes, I do remember you all now!_

_Well, THAT'S a relief!_

_Yeah, we were afraid you forgot about us in here, Daddy!_

_Yeah! Heehee!_

Cell rolled his eyes, but still kept them on Goku as the Saiyan came towards him: _Look, kids, I don't have time to talk now! I'm in the middle of the Tournament, so you'll all just have to wait a while._

_Aww, do we have to?_

_Daddy, it's getting hot in here. Can we be born yet?_

Cell frowned as he held his own against an aggressive Super Saiyan Goku: _NO NO NO! Absolutely NOT that! I told you all, WAIT for me to win the Tournament and THEN we can talk, ok?!_

_Oh alright fine…_

_But make it quick, Daddy! We're starving!_

Cell grumbled under his breath, but not enough for Goku to hear him.

After a few minutes of flying punches and a close call by a Kamehameha Wave, Cell and Goku landed away from each other on either side of the ring. Neither creature was panting, and both were grinning! But of course, this was just a warm-up fight…

Cell spoke: "Well… I guess that was a good enough warm-up."

"Yes, it was." Goku nodded.

The two decide on behalf of everyone to start to fight for real: Goku powers up…

_Daddy, did you win?_

Cell sighed and turned his attention away from Goku while everyone else was distracted.

_No, children. Not yet. _

--

It was only a few minutes later, and Goku and Cell had resumed their battle; this time it was all out _war_. Cell cockishly allowed Goku to make the first move, with shockingly painful results: he was punched hard in his stomach then round-house kicked in the ribs. Cell cringed in enormous pain but got his revenge with a savage punch to Goku's jaw.

_OWE! Daddy, who's the butthead who punched us like that?!_

_Daddy is the fight over?_

_No, kids! The fight is NOT over yet! Just give me a moment!_

Cell was really beginning to have a hard time keeping up with Goku and having to deal with the constant complaints of the seven little fetuses inside him. After pulling out all the tricks in his sleeve he could pull, and even as he noticed Goku becoming slightly weaker and sluggish, the bug-like android had simply had enough…

"You know, Goku…" Cell smirked as he and Goku remained floating high above the battle area, "…I'm becoming a bit tired of all the restrictions of this fight. Let's make things a little interesting, shall we?"

Goku watched with confusion as Cell stuck his clawed hand out in front of him and started up a very powerful energy ball…

"Oh, and you might want to tell your friends to _clear_ the area." Cell said with an air of wicked humor as his blast grew brighter and brighter as well as size.

Cell could see the look of shock hit Goku and while the Super Saiyan turned his head to yell down for the others to run, Cell was momentarily distracted by a rather powerful cramp in his right side. He turned his mind to them again,

_What is it now? _He thought impatiently.

_Daddy, you're taking our energy away from us!_

_Yeah, quit it!_

_Can we be born now, Daddy?_

Cell responded, _Yes, kids, I KNOW I'm taking some of your energy away, but right now Daddy is just a little tired. Besides you'll all live, trust me. …And NO, I can't have you guys yet!_

There was a collective sigh inside his belly before Cell brought his mind back to the outside world…

--

Many punches and kicks later, it was over. Goku had just announced to everyone's shock that he was giving up the fight. Cell stood by as Goku returned to the others, speaking on terms of whom he chooses to replace him. Being part Nemekian, Cell had hearing that was almost as good as Piccolo's, even though his ears were round Ice-jin holes rather then large and pointy. Of course, there were also the noises which he was forced to listen to:

_(Hay guys, the fighting stopped!) Dad, did you win? _

_Can we come out now?_

_I have to pee…_

_And I'm hungry!_

At first, Cell wanted to ignore them, but a terrible guilt brought on by his maternal instincts gripped him and he was quick to answer: _No, children! I'm not finished fighting. I'll let you all out very soon, I promise! _ Cell new his children were beginning to get tired of his constant lame excuses, but for now, it was all he could offer; the predator android looked back up to where Goku was and spoke,

"Goku, if you truly have given up this fight with me, then I will wreck havoc on this planet."

Goku responded: "I know you want to, Cell. But there is one more person you must fight…"

Cell then watched in amazement as his enemy turn to his young son, Gohan, and announced that _he_ would take his place. Cell was not the only one stunned: even the lousy TV reporter and Hercule could not believe this. Gohan stepped out and powered up, but not before Goku threw a Senzu Bean to Cell, saying it would not be fair if the android could not start a new battle at full power. As Cell ingested the seed and his muscles bulked, he could feel his children's movements subside slightly (_They must have liked that little bit of food,_ Cell though to himself).

Although he was happy to be back to his full power, the painful cramps that Cell continued to feel in his stomach and sides still remained; in fact, with each passing minute, they seemed to grow worse. He had no choice: in perhaps a few minutes, his children will have grown so big that the android began to fear that keeping them cooped up inside for much longer may cause his stomach to rupture, and very possibly _ruining_ his Perfect body.

Knowing that his children desperately needed to be born and, Cell was plagued with the question of exactly _when _and _how_ he should…

--

In all his years (or… months) of being alive, Cell never imagined himself hugging any one of the Z Warriors. But amazingly, that was just what he was doing: a now cocky Cell had gained the upper hand in the middle of his second fight of the day with Goku's son, and now the pink-eyed android threatened to crush the living spirit out of the boy if Gohan did not reveal his hidden power to Cell. Surprisingly though, even having Gohan's body pressing up against his much bigger form, this did not upset Cell's unborn children; it would seem they had grown tired of having to take turns begging Daddy to let them out, so they decided to pass some of the time with a good nap.

But Cell was no fool: with each passing minute, he could feel his children growing bigger and bigger in his stomach, and if the android father-to-be had any hope of safely delivering them without so much of a threat from the Z Warriors, he had to entice Gohan to release his anger and then beat it out of him and his family so that they will not be too bad of a threat once Cell's children are delivered.

Gohan, however, proved quite the stubborn boy, even as Cell brought his face close to the young Saiyan's during the "bear hug of death" and mocked him outright.

"C'mon! Get mad, Gohan. It hurts, doesn't it? You hate me, don't you?"

Gohan said nothing; it would seem his silence (save the grunting noises he made while his bones were cracking under Cell's strength) was his only leeway to the android's demands. Cell released his muscular arms and allowed Gohan to fall to the ground in a crumpled heap.

"What a stubborn kid…" Cell muttered out loud to himself. But then he got an idea… and turned his head to face the rest of the Z Warriors who had taken refuge on a nearby cliff. "…Well, Gohan, if you yourself getting hurt won't make you mad, then maybe you seeing your friends get hurt will."

And with that, Cell turned his whole body around and prepared to launch an attack on his enemy and his family. Cell could sense Gohan come at him from behind to land a punch, but the bug-like predator was much too keen to this and whirled around and kicked the boy far away. As the dust settled, Cell laughed out loud and grew excited; maybe this was it: Gohan was starting to fume!

"Good! Get mad! Be angry at me!"

Cell waited a few seconds for Gohan to get himself up on his hands and knees; the small boy was forced to stare up into the gleaming pink eyes of this seemingly invincible genetic experiment. Yes, Cell did indeed feel invincible staring down at the small Super Saiyan below him; already his hunger was coming back. Wouldn't it be so easy if Gohan would just get mad so Cell could prove him universally weak, eat him, and finally get this whole Tournament over with? But just as Cell was making to approach a slightly wheezy Gohan, Cell's vision was suddenly blurred for a second and the insect-android felt his whole body being captured, constricted, and hoisted three feet up into the air! Panic flooded his heart and brain as Cell turned his head slightly to see who on Earth could have captured him.

It was Android 16. The very machine that Dr. Gero had originally put in charge of killing Goku had now trapped his very own kind in an ironic bear hug. Yes, it was 16, Cell's own older "brother" if you will, once the giant accomplice of Cell's "Last Supper" (AKA 17 and 18) was now the Gentle giant of the Z Warriors. When all of this information eventually all passed through Cell's memory chips, his eyes widened and his face grew pale.

"…16?!" He exclaimed.

Their faces were close to each other, and the red-headed robotic man spoke, "Yes, Cell. It is I."

Then 16 turned his head to everyone else around the two androids and said loudly, "Wait! Stay back! I'm going to blow myself up with Cell!"

Cell's heart dropped. _Oh, Kami…! The Self Destruct bomb, how could I forget?! No, no! This can't happen, this WON'T happen!_

Cell grit his teeth and began to wiggle around, trying to break free; but 16 only gripped his little brother even harder, forcing Cell's arms to press uncomfortable into his ribs. Android 16 spoke in a tone of imminent doom,

"Cell I won't let you go and you won't survive the blast. This is the end Cell. I'll be destroyed and so will you!"

Cell refused to hear this! The wild animal inside Cell was already awake and going crazy due to his confinement; Cell thrashed about, kicking and trying to dig his extended black claws into 16, but it was no use, he couldn't reach. 16 spoke calmly to Cell,

"You should blame Dr. Gero for this, Cell. He was the one who created us. He was the one who plotted to conquer the world. …Now, Cell, its time."

16 started to glow, and everyone began to scream. Cell himself almost felt like screaming: it was his worst nightmare, perhaps, dying in such a pathetic way by one of his own traitorous siblings before getting the chance to fulfill his Master's greatest wish. As 16 grew brighter and brighter, the much taller and larger android began to squeeze the life out of his little brother; Cell was beginning to feel the same strain he gave Gohan; Cell could feel his organs being constricted…

Suddenly, Cell found himself stricken with perhaps the worst pain he had ever felt alive at that time… The feeling of something like a water balloon rupturing inside his stomach was followed within seconds by what felt like liquid seeming out of his short tail in his back area. Cell had a look of sheer panic on his face as he tried to turn his head around to see what had happened, but the bright aura of 16's Self Destruct mechanism was too much for his eyes, so he turned back and stared straight ahead.

Then he heard the voices once more:

_Daddy… we need to talk to you._

_Daddy… we need you to listen to us._

_It's time, Daddy. It's time._

_Give birth to us. If you don't, we'll all die._

_At least let us out before you die in Uncle 16's explosion, Daddy._

_We can't wait any longer, Dad. You hafta' do this. _

Cell was about to answer them back, but couldn't think of what to say.

Luckily, he didn't have to: 16's bright aura had finally faded away and it was found that his Self Destruct bomb had been removed by the Z Warriors due to their fears of 16 using the device against Goku (despite the fact that Android 16 had declared many times he would not do so). When the time was just right, Cell gave one last great wiggle and freed himself from his sibling's tight grasp, and finally doing him in with a single blast from his white palm.

As Android 16's mangled and broken shards fell this way and that, Cell noticed that there was also _blood_ smeared on the parts and on the ground. While the dust was still shrouding him and his destroyed counterpart from all other eyes, Cell took a closer look at all the blood, then he felt the same liquid still seeping from his backside; he turned himself around and quickly realized that the blood on the ground and the liquids draining from himself were _his own_ blood. And that could only mean one thing: Cell could not hold off his important "delivery" any longer…

Cell tried to shake off the shock of it all, but it was hard; he found some relief by kicking 16's severed head away from him and taunting Gohan some more. Then he remembered the other Z Warriors:

_Ah, right! Gohan's family and friends. I know exactly how to do this now; I know how to tie all this together without causing too much alarm, heh heh!_

As he turned his back to Gohan and looked fiercely up at the rest of the Z Warriors, the terrible cramping in Cell's sides so became excruciating _contractions _within seconds. Cell grit his teeth and began to sweat so profusely it began to look as though he had just gone swimming. He could feel his "precious cargo" thrashing around inside his belly and chanting in shrilly toddler voices,

_Let us out! Let us out! Let us out!_

Cell's hands became fists, he arched his back and threw his head back, screaming in pain. As he pushed and pushed, his children's demands never stopped pounding in his head,

_LET US OUT! LET US OUT! LET US OUT!_

And that's what Cell finally did: with blood still leaking out of his tail, the stinger part stretched open and Cell could feel a large, round mass sliding through his body cavity and into his tail before popping out onto the hot, dirt ground. Then another one came through and slid out his tail, and just after that, another ball of slime, and then after that yet another! At one point the pain grew horribly worse as Cell felt like there were _two more _trying to come out at the same time, but eventually, by working and manipulating his tail a little, Cell managed to whelp them out as well. All the while, Cell and all those around him (even the humans) could hear strange, ominous giggles coming from the slimy blue balls that fell to the ground from Cell's back. Finally, as Cell gave one last great push and gave birth to the very last infant, he could feel the space in his body closing up as there was no need for it to remain stretched out. Gasping, Cell lowered his fists to his sides, stood straight and slowly turned his head slightly to gaze, almost fearfully, at whatever it was that he had just given birth to…

The seven blue blobs that lay strewn on the dirt ground covered in blood and afterbirth had now begun to squirm around; one by one, the creatures came upon all fours and made it up on their stubby little legs. Cell continued to look with incredible awe as the infant androids shook their tiny little bodies like puppies out of a pool to get clean of the blood and other mess. When they were clean, "Papa" Cell had finally received the reward of all the hardships and pain of "pregnancy" he had to go through…


	8. Robot Rumpus

Cell stood there with his arms crossed and his heels together as he watched a fully rejuvenated Super Saiyan 2 Gohan battling fiercely with Cell's seven newborn children. On the outside, Cell looked just as confident and unyielding as ever, as though he was expecting nothing less then for his kids to tear into the young Saiyan… but on the inside, Cell felt very_ helpless_…

As he watched, one by one his children being beaten, the maternal instincts inside Cell were screaming for him to protect his own flesh and blood from the savage wrath of that wretched Gohan. But as much as it hurt him, Cell could not yield to these thoughts, not with the other Z Fighters and so many other creatures watching him. No, Cell could not show any weakness…

Instead the killer android held onto the little hope he had left that his precious offspring would pull through. After all, the Cell Jr.s had all the powers that their father had, right down to Frieza's most powerful "Death" attacks. And besides, Cell figured, the Z Warriors were notorious for _underestimating _the capabilities of their enemies.

Perhaps the Z Warriors had already forgotten the Cell's very own words:

"Don't underestimate them. They may be small, but remember… they are _my_ children."

--

The real heartache finally came to pass when Cell could feel his children's energies falling rapidly and the wickedness of Gohan increasing; when the dust settled after the Cell Jr.s had launched a simultaneous attack upon Gohan using every energy/Ki technique they had up their sleeves, Gohan still stood there unharmed, much to the dismay of Cell and his kids.

Then the horrors unfolded as one by one Gohan mercilessly chased down and slaughtered each of Cell's tiny, blue-armored children, like they were helpless sheep in the cave of a bear. And although they made little noise, even as they died, Cell could feel his children's souls screaming for mercy inside his head, just as they did before they were even born…

--

With the onslaught of emotion and inner pain, Cell's mind began to fall in and out of conscious state, darkness and light separating his sections of memory…the old memories of the time were slowly fading as each one was destroyed by that terrible "monster" with the golden hair and heartless green eyes. Just as the world around him became black, the biological android was left standing alone on that flat field, alone with the monster who had ripped his pride and invincibility away from him…

Cell could feel himself cowering away as the terrible "monster" with the golden hair and the heartless green eyes made his way to where the bio-android stood. The boy's silence was solid like ice… much like the signature on a death warrant. In the final moments of the sequence, Cell felt like his feet were trapped in knee-high mud, unable to move or get away; the boy-monster was now close enough to him to reach out his arm and suddenly seize Cell's throat in a vice-grip.

Cell tried to scream and thrash away, but to no avail; nothing could be done to stop the monster as he **ripped Cell's throat out**. As Cell could feel his vision fading into darkness, the boy spoke in a voice that was monotone but merciless at the same time:

"_Cell… I warned you not to make me angry…"_

_No! _Cell thought furiously, _No! NO! This can't be! _

"_I WARNED you not to awaken my hidden power…"_

"_No! I'm Perfect!"_

_Cell…_

"_I'm Perfect…"_

_Cell…_

_Cell…_

---

"Cell… Cell!" A feminine voice called shrilly. "Wake up!"

Cell tossed and turned on the uncomfortable mattress he lay on; he had the thin, white sheets wrapped all around him like a protective cocoon. Cell grimaced as he was still falling in his nightmare…

Finally, the other party had had enough. He shook Cell as hard as he could and screamed his name once more, _"CELL!"_

Suddenly, Cell bolted straight up in the bed, covered in the sheets and screamed fearfully, his heart jumped. Then there was a silent moment of reckoning as the emerald-armored android realized he was back to reality, though reality was now shrouded in white cloth. Cell struggled some to free his head from the cloth and was met with sunlight peeking into the mold-covered room… and a very startled Frieza backed up against the TV and dresser drawers with a hand over his chest.

Their eyes met for what seemed like a whole minute, but Frieza proved to be the one with the most head on his shoulders when he spoke,

"Well, my friend… I had no idea my power frightened you that much." He gave a slight smirk on his delicate, white face.

Cell was quick to frown and strike back at him, "That would be so, Frieza, if I was truly afraid of what little power you have." (Frieza gave Cell a nasty look.) "And why the hell did you wake me for anyways?"

Frieza stood straight and put his hands to his hips as he scolded Cell, "Well, if your little 'Mini Me's' were not so busy tearing up the only shelter we have been given to live in, I would have left you alone to your sweet dreams. And if you don't hurry, they may destroy your Master's makeshift lab downstairs."

Just then, there was a loud bang just outside the small room, quickly followed by the sound of glass breaking further away.

Cell's eyes widened and he leaped out of bed and was down the creaky wooden stairs within seconds, with the tiny alien, Frieza, following close behind. They passed through the tiny living room where papers had been torn up and thrown everywhere and all the furniture was knocked over, and made it into the kitchen, where they were met with even more disaster. The whole kitchen looked as though a tornado had passed through it: the cabinet doors were all torn off, with all the cans and bags on the floor ripped open and their contents eaten; the rusty sinks were over flowing with dirty water and every last one of the dishes were smashed to bits on the floor and the countertops; sitting upon the countertops, with sharp black claws digging into the plastic container of cereal, were three of Cell's "precious" little children.

"_Children! What have you DONE?!"_ Cell freaked out, throwing his hands in the air.

At first, the three Cell Jr.'s immediately looked up from what they were doing to gaze at their father and Frieza with wide eyes which were the same strange pink color as Cell's… then, as if nothing in the universe mattered to them except breaking open that darn cereal container, they went back to what they were doing!

Cell gave a grumble and marched over to the counter where he promptly gathered up his three little munchkins. When the Cell Jr.'s objected to him taking away the container of colorful cereal, Cell said exasperatedly, "Look, if you three behave yourselves, you'll get to have this for dinner! Now, where are the rest of your brothers?"

True to the nature of children, each Cell Jr. pointed a claw in a completely opposite direction. Cell rolled his eyes as he quickly stepped over the mess and handed over two of them to Frieza, who wrinkled his nose, saying,

"Why are you giving them to me, Cell? What do I have to do with this?!"

"You have to do with this for not waking me sooner, Frieza!" Cell said irritably as he and Frieza made their way out of the kitchen and into the laundry room where Dr. Gero had some of his experimental devices laid out.

"Well, it's not _my_fault you sleep like a rock, Cell!" Frieza was griping as he followed Cell closely behind (which annoyed Cell even more). "And besides, I just got here a few seconds ago because I could hear your little ones making noise all the way in _my _living quarters!"

"Well forgive me, Frieza!" Cell snapped. "I was created to be the Perfect Warrior, not the Perfect Dad!"

The two made it to the laundry room, which was extremely small and crowded. Over to the right next to the rotten-wood door which let outside, there sat a Cell Jr. in a basket of dirty laundry; he was strangely watching the laundry machine like it was a TV.

"Four? What are you doing?" Cell asked (while trying to keep his grip on the Cell Jr he had in his arms).

The little creature turned his head and said innocently, "Daddy, I' watching da' pool machine."

Cell raised an eyebrow in confusion. "…Uh, who said that was a pool, son?"

"Three." Said the Cell Jr as he turned back to the washing machine as it began to make a strange noise. Just then, Cell stared at the washer and realized the significance of what his son just said.

"OH MY KAMI HOLY SHIT!" Cell exclaimed as he suddenly handed over his remaining child to an already overwhelmed Frieza and bolted to the washing machine where he ripped the door off it and reached his bulky arm inside, fishing around for something.

Eventually, Cell found what he was looking for and pulled it out by the pudgy leg: it was Cell Jr Number 3, who had decided to go for a "swim" in the soapy water and wet clothes.

"(Sputtering) Hay, Daddy! Let me go! I wanna go swimming!"

Cell's eyes widened. _"Are you kidding me?! Of course you're not going swimming!"_

"_No, I want to go swimming now! It's MY TURN!" _The Cell Jr Number 4 interrupted as he started to climb into the hole of the washer. But Cell was quick to reach his other arm over and pull him out as well; now he had two fighting Cell Jrs held by their legs while Frieza was stuck grappling with three. And there was still _two more _missing!

Cell and Frieza then traveled back up the creaky wooden stairs and into the left side of the narrow hallway… where they were immediately met with a sixth Cell Jr taking a "wee-wee" at the side wall.

"Ugh! Two! What are you doing?!" Cell said as he handed off Cell Jr's Three and Four to Frieza (**"HAY!"** Frieza cried.), and scooped up his little child in his arms. Cell lightly scolded Two: "Now didn't Daddy tell you that if you have to "go" then go in the bathroom?"

"I know you said that, daddy," the little blue creature spoke innocently, "but One won't let me in da' bafroom!"

And Cell Jr Number Two pointed a little finger at the door at the end of the hallway where the bathroom was: there, they could hear a lot of splashing and rapid flushing of the toilet. Cell ultimately handed Two off to Frieza, who was now absolutely struggling under the clawing and squirming six Cell Jr's! Cell walked briskly to the bathroom and opened the door: what he saw sent him into frenzy!

The entire bathroom was flooded with unrolled toilet paper, soap had been poured out of their rightful containers, and even still there was ramped flooding coming from the overflowing bathtub, which was filled with water and action figures. And over in the middle of the bathroom where the toilet was there stood the last Cell Jr, looking into the toilet and holding above it what appeared to be a small glass tube containing some of Dr. Gero's very important experimental liquids.

Cell absolutely launched himself at the toilet, desperate to stop his son from flushing the tube down the toilet, but everything seemed to move in slow motion in that particular moment:

"_NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"_

_Splash! Flush!_

Too late.

No matter how incredibly fast or powerful Cell was, he _just _wasn't quick enough to stop the tiny glass tube from swirling around the bowl and disappearing down the deep, dark hole…

--

It was about thirty minutes later and Cell had just popped in an old _Yu-Gi-Oh_ video into the VCR connected to the TV in his bedroom; Cell's seven cheery kids all sat in a nice row on his bed, eating out of the sugar cereal container which their father had promised to them. As they waited for the old, rusty VCR to start working, Cell opened the blinds to the single window in his plain bedroom to allow some light to shine in. All the while, he did it with a tired expression on his face.

"Kids, stay in daddy's room and _try _to behave yourselves." Cell said exasperatedly a few minutes later as he exited the door. None of his children gave him any notice.

Cell dragged his big, yellow feet down the stairs again and into the living room, where there was a short, dirty old couch situated in front of the old, little TV from the kitchen (it had been moved there by Frieza, who was busy helping clean the house up a bit). Frieza's powerful telekinetic mind came in quite handy when cleaning up the trashed house; given, it was not perfect, but at least the elderly Dr. Gero would not have too much to worry about when he got home (save for the missing glass tube from his collection).

As Cell as just came to the couch, so did Frieza, and so the two tiredly slumped down together; Cell switched on the TV. For a few good minutes the two creatures sat there, vegetating: it was hard to image how much chaos those tiny blue balls of fluffy cuteness could cause without even meaning to! As the TV blurred useless HFIL news, without looking at one another, light conversation crept up:

"Well, my friend," Frieza spoke, "it certainly looks as though you'll need to do some shopping for more kitchen supplies."

"Heh… the hell I will." Cell mumbled.

"Why do you say that?" Frieza frowned at the screen.

Cell sighed. "…Frieza… do you know what it's like going to the grocery store with my children?"

Frieza thought for a moment then replied, "Well, seeing as I've never accompanied you and your little ones on said spree, then no, I don't."

Cell explained: "Take a mad bull, put it into a China shop, and times all that by _seven_."

"…Oh my." Frieza placed a finger to his lips as his eyes widened. Still staring dully into the small TV, Cell nodded.

After a moment or two of silence, Cell spoke with a defeated tone, "_But_ at the same time, I don't want to have to face the inevitable wrath of my Creator when he returns to an empty kitchen and toilet paperless bathroom, as loving as he normally is to me."

"And I agree." Frieza said cheerfully as he looked up at Cell with a sweet smile. "And should the little ones make a huge mess, I'll just barrow a few of my Papa's credit cards."

"Thanks, Frieza. Besides," Cell gave a hardy laugh, "having to pay a fine is better then having a battery pack shoved up my ass!"


End file.
